second one in two days. I must be mad.

I hate this time of year. Fucking Christian's jacking my holiday, and I always have to have some sort of breakdown. If it got any worse (and it did a while ago, thanks a lot) I would just have to go out and go Crazy Russian Ax Murderer on someone!!!

People fuckin ignoring me all the time already gives me a complex, and this time of year along with it just makes it SO much fucking better. Yeah, not really. Like I said before, Crazy Russian Ax Murderer.

I also believe that I am to keenly attuned to Crime and Punishment now. I'm only on chapter 3 or so, and I already feel deeply connected to Raskolnikov, which is understandable if you've actually read this book. (but chances are anyone who will read this, which is probably all of no one, will not get it cause they've never read this damned book.)

I'm so pissed i might just dye my hair black for the hell of it. But I'm to much of a chicken and probably won't, but whatever. It's a decent centament anyways. Not like the Emo Kids who have to cut themselves instead, cause they're retards and don't know any better.

I'm just really stressed, and I wish that someone got it, so maybe then I wouldn't be sitting here doing this thing, which I know no one's gonna even care about. No one reads this shit anyways. I really just want someone to talk to, who won't blow me off, and when I catch them on it they won't try to give me some bogus argument. Cause it's just... lame, like they don't know anything better to say. I really just don't wanna be lied to, and have someone there who I can trust, (which is all of no one anymore, thanks a lot) and I can actually have a serious conversation with, but like that's ever gonna happen. There's maybe one person like that that I have, and that's Harm. And I can hardly ever see her, which sucks noodles.

I hate going to my school. It's like, I was on an awesome phone call with life, and as soon as I went into that school, it put me on hold, and I'm still waiting for it to start up again. Hopefully I'll be gone after this year and going to Belleville, even though I am a little insecure about it. I mean, I've been going to Summit this whole time, and even though I hate it there, I will admit that I have some decent connections, and know my way around, and am already in good with the teachers. I really just don't know what to do with myself, so I sit here still, trying to figure everything out, and I just end up with more complexes and issues, which I really hate to have, but they just won't go away and leave me alone.

I really wish that I could have someone to actually talk about all of this too, but I really don't. It makes me feel weak with Harm, with my mom it makes me feel worthless, and with everyone else, they just try to give me bullshit, ignore me, or just blow me off. I essentially have no one at all. And it fucking hurts.